"woah - you are beautiful. where are you from?"

8.17.14 //

“one of these days that silver platter everything has been handed to you on is going to run out of room “

it’s been my fourth day here and I think I’m on the verge of a slight mental break down. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be hidden amongst people in a big city – ya know where you can just blend in and no one notices you – or a small town in the middle of no where, where I can just go into hiding.

being the emotional person that I am, it’s hard to have all this free time and not think about the things I don’t want to think about anymore. I already just want to get back on the road and head home (while stopping at certain places). I leave in four days, so I will have only been here over a week & it will definitely be a bummer to officially be leaving because I do love it here, I just really want to keep moving. maybe it’s because I only worked on one thing all day.

I’ve given myself the project of finishing these ooh-yah’s and it’s a tedious/precise one. I drank a little too much wine last night, so I couldn’t get up early, but I wish I could have. I felt a lot more relaxed. I hate having the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. it’s been bad today – so I’m going to experiment by getting up early again tomorrow to work in the fields.

finally got to shower. everyone went to this potluck party that was around 30 minutes away and I was just way too tired and antisocial (plus im not a farmer) to attend. needing a night alone was necessary, but ylias decided he wanted to stay, so it’s been a little less relaxing having to watch him. he’s still entertaining.

a phone call happened today that I thought was going to be better because I let my imagination get the best of me while zoning out and working, and reality fell very short. I always hold way too high of expectations. I don’t know what I’m thinking half the time.

sad I can’t see my friend Zachary & Will too – but at least I get to see Nora! it’s been years since I’ve gotten to spend time with her, so I’m looking forward to that.

I need to stop worrying about things that don’t go as I had hoped, to stop thinking about the situations and people that aren’t thinking about me, and overthinking my future plans. soak up these good moments and this super cool experience that I’m super fortunate to be having. many cool things are coming up.

hoping I like Denver a lot so Tommy and I can move there. 

(next post will be about my chat with Paul)

"mid-wife"

8.16.14

today has been exhausting…and I love it. I’ve learned to really hate the feeling of restlessness before going to bed. like I didn’t use my time wisely or that I didn’t work hard enough. this morning I woke up at 5:30am and got to working on the vineyards at 6am. worked until breakfast which was at 8:30am then went back out until lunch, which was served at 12:30pm. I got my daily hours in and then hit the lake.

blue lake was gorgeous. I was able to find a secluded spot where I could sprawl out, relax, and read. I took a dip, which felt like heaven because I haven’t showered since I got here. needless to say, I swam for a while and floated in the blue/green water. definitely a place I’ll be visiting again soon.

I won’t be staying the whole two weeks officially – I’ll be leaving on the 22nd to spend Friday and Saturday with my brother and dad in napa valley. then Sunday ill head to san Francisco to hopefully see my friend nora. Monday I might see my friend will and then see my friend zach in Sacramento. so many plans so little time! but by then ill be officially heading back to the Midwest to finally leave for Europe on September 10th.

Now I just need to figure out where ill be the 29th-1st so my baby girl Erin can meet up with me for a few days!

I’m really enjoying my time here and loving this experience so far. tomorrow I plan on either going to the beach or talking to the guy next door who has horses to ride (might even do that tonight). Super happy I made the decision to do this. reflecting on this whole thing will then lead to future decisions about what’s next. thinking I might stick to WWOOFing for a couple more months to get in some more traveling time, might get my teaching certificate and go teach abroad, might look into grad school, and might try to get and internship with an old poetry teacher (might even move to Denver!). so many options it’s overwhelming.